No Not One

Your word, O God, gives such sweet direction to my soul!  Even as I drink down the bitter cup of certain memories, drink to its gritty dregs, I find You reminding me of this:  Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ's sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy.  I Peter 4:12-13

In case, I might get the idea that my circumstance should be somehow unique I have those verses, and God brings this across my path today, too:
http://matthewpaulturner.net/jesus-needs-new-pr/spiritual-abuse-must-stop-a-blog-post/

...and yes, despite the fact that I quoted Rob Bell just a few posts ago and just because God spoke to me through those words, this in no way blinds me to the fact that his church is not above inflicting similar hurts on the least of its brethren, that the giving and receiving of abuse can be universal for "As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one. " Romans 3:10.

So there it is...no wonder the Psalmist begged God "Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if [there be any] wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."  Psalm 139:23-24.
Not an obsession; but neither a thing to neglect.
May 23
Today I stand before Your throne and petition Your help, O God.  I flounder over what to ask from You.  Lately, we have been in a season of constant trial.  Scott's job that looked so promising pays far less than a living wage [an insturance sales job that didn't prove as profitable in reality as it did on paper, yet did lead later to a better insurance job.  I didn't have that perspective yet here, though.]  My little one's bike getting stolen, te septic showing signs of needing replacement sooner rather than later. I feel like I'm living the life of some strange victim, not my life. 

Then there's the guilt of even allowing myself to dwell on these things.  A good Christian would just cling to Matthew 6:25, right?  So I am ashamed, but still wondering what You're doing.  By all appearances, the answer would be You are doing nothing, but I don't see why yet.  SO I go before You with my scrappy file of scripture promises and pull out Psalm 126.  "Those who sow in tears shall weep in joy.  He who continually goes forth weeping, bearing seed for sowing, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him."  (v. 5-6)We're weeping as we sow, God...may the rest of the verse prove true.

Ten years later I can say:  it did!