April 25, 2003
We're letting the house go to foreclosure. Yesterday, we signed a lease on an apartment. I cried a couple of times as we made the arrangements/drove around to see it/ etc. There's not much I can do to decorate it. Can't have a garden. Scott got a job, but he'll be gone 4 days every week--flies out to different places each time, hence the reason we need to move closer to the city and its airport. Even with a local job,we'd have lost the house up here anyway.
How big is this field of brown grass you've got this bird sitting in, God? Scott's finally coming to terms with God having a hand in all this. After he got this job offer he got another offer and three inquiries about his availability all right together, a sign that this long career "dry spell" was surely orchestrated. But now it's my turn...
When I lose my home, a thing that has in a large part defined me and the way I live life, how am I to see myself? Do I slip into comparing myself to others who appear to be doing better than we are? Do I allow myself to get bitter over yet another loss in life? Or, do I keep trying to be joyful, and thankful in all circumstances? I keep clinging to that quote as a mantra: "God wants you to understand that it is a life of faith, not a life of sentimental enjoyment of his blessings."
At least today, I will fight the good fight, fight to remain faithful and ward off bitterness.
Why this instead of why me and then patience would lead me to learn:
- My oldest son's whole college choice and career future would turn on the change of school our move afforded him.
- I would meet someone who would become one of my dearest friends, who would "randomly" be my next door neighbor and future baby-sitter at that apartment complex.
- My husband's job (that required the move) would launch him into a new, more satisfying and promising career path.
- I would take a job at a Christian school that would bring many influential people across my path and the paths of my children.
I have struggled for the past two and a half years over the fact that we had to give up our home in Ohio to foreclosure. I just kept wondering why and yet, God has blessed us abundantly since!
ReplyDeleteIt is such a huge testimony of trust, I think, when we can sit in that question of "Why this, Lord?" I read once a book about convenants between God and man. The "bigger" the promised good from the hand of God, the longer it took in a human measure of time for the covenant to move from an enigmatic promise to a realized actuality. I'm learning to embrace the days of wondering as a sign that "the longer the wait, the better the outcome's supposed to be!"
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