Part of me hesitates to move into sharing this next chapter of my prayer life--the one I've self-assigned the title Birth of the Prophetic Era, chuckling even as I type it.  The reason it is difficult to share is because even I am not sure how to understand the things that came into being over these next few years.  Part of me figures if I share it, any "respect" I've garnered with any wisdom splattered over the first third of the time historic designated for this journal will evaporate like a shallow pool on a hot day.  So easy to write it all off with a shrug.  "She obviously just has Grade Five Syndrome.  Put her in the ward where the 'exorcists' are working on the 'alien abductees.' "  I get that.  Too well.
But I also feel like I've been commissioned to share my trek through this period of life.  Maybe I'll come to understand it a little better, and maybe even in its weirder days it will still continue to bless others. 

April 6, 2005
As I read and study on thoughts of approval and love, I see a curious balance.  Somehow a balance must come from over-emphasis on the opinions of others and callous disregard of their opinions.  After all, approval is what we're talking about, so external evaluation is a factor in some measure.  Pride swings us out of balance--and can do so either direction. 

I'm reading in Matthew 14 about John the Baptist's beheading.  Herodias was unlawfully wed to Herod.  John publicly renounced this law-breaking.  She, being more interested in public power than a prophet's opinion began manipulating against him.  Ultimately she took out a prophet of God, but along the way she used Herod, tricking him into killing John through his own weakness of pride--he couldn't be seen as weak or willing to contradict/correct himself in a rash offer in front of his public.  What's more, she taught her daughter to demean herself in exchange for the power to make demands.  The daughter demonstrated she was learning the lesson of public display well, for she added her own flourish, requesting not only John's head, but his head on a silver platter.  No one was embarrassed for the right things, and only one was embarrassed even for the wrong thing.  Approval sought in all the wrong quadrants!  Oh the falsehood that so easily wears the mask of honor when the wrong source for approval stands toe to toe with us!  Amazing the counter play between these two forms of obsession with power and there was no love anywhere around it!

Contrast these with the next few verses:  Jesus goes off alone to a deserted place--presumably to grieve,pray, etc.  And when the crowds follow Him, He is moved with compassion and heals their sick.  Even when the disciples come with a reasonable proposition that He send the people away to get themselves some dinner, he continues to provide for them. 
Two points:
1) He, even in a time when selfishness--at least for a period of mourning--is appropriate, puts such selfishness aside.
2) He acts under supernatural power according to the will of God.  (healing and feeding the thousands) rather than through striving under human power and influence.  All was done in compassion, not for the sake of the people's approval nor for power.

Then, it is important to note--Jesus returned to his solitude.  He did not respond to the interruption by getting vexed, or by becoming demanding in the face of a natural-world interruption to his meditations on events of supernatural import.  He responded with compassion and true power.

Interesting the thoughts I had at the beginning of this post, before I'd opened the journal for today's entry.  I begin to see now the link.  The question moves deeper--down below the place where it is academic, or even exegitical. The question become personal.  Whose approval are you considering?  How does love factor into the equation?